the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
