Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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