they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
