dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
