i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
