how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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