dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
