I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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