32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
