omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
