I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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