So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
