I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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