I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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