everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
