just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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