smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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