i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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