he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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