Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
