??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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