I got chris browned last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
