I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
