Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(616): View more from Michigan

yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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(772): View more from Florida

i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...

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(512): View more from Texas

You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.

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(515): View more from Iowa

If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls

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(734): View more from Michigan

He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.

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(510): View more from California

Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?

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