I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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