I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
