I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
