I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
