I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize