I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
