Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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