Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
