I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
