i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
