Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
