Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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