Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
