you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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