Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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