Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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