Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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