after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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