good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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