Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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