Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
