It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
