Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
