me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
