I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
