i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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