I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he thought i was a dude.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize