do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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