see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Randomize
