I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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