I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
