Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize