She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm always down for nudity.
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