he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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