Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
