he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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