Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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