I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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