have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
