Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
