I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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