Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
