**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
