just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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