i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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