i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
