wrigley field is MILF paradise
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize